Making Gay Friends and Meet women: the greatest help guide to Effective Queer Socializing | Autostraddle

Y’all involve some issues satisfying homosexual folks. We understand this because provided we have had homogay ‘internet presences’ you have been asking us steps to make queer friends/meet girls. We’ve
replied you, periodically

But evidently perhaps not regularly adequate:

Although Laneia is actually confident she is the actual only real lesbian in Phoenix (I’m positive this is not very, some body kindly back me up inside the remarks), we here on group Autostraddle possess a somewhat healthy posse of queer buddies. Or at least it appears that method when we assemble for homogay events/marches/parties/prides tri-annually.

We feel totally happy because of this and so we have now chose to enlist the soldiers and answer comprehensively the question “how do we meet additional queers?” forever.


+ If you are looking for a remedy into the concern “just how do i hit on chicks?”, we’ve got an article for this:

Simple tips to Pick-up Chicks


+ wondering “how do you date a chick?” We’ve got a write-up for this:

10 Straightforward Rules For Effectively Courting a Lesbian


+ Curious about getting a lady to sleep over? Coincidentally, we’ve got a write-up for that, as well:

8 Steps Every woman takes attain a woman to fall asleep Over


+ thinking about sharing a special snack with your special brand new friend/’special’ friend?

Top Snacks


Do you want? Let’s begin.

Face to face:


: Purchase WORK! No actually. Go get a job. It doesn’t need getting
a gay job
. Though I Have had those. Jobs from inside the directly business are teeming with undercover gays. If you see a printer jam, hold off approx 2 mins & most probably a gay woman will show up to repair. In my view, standard ol’ jobs commonly top locations to meet up with various other homosexual women, whether for friendsies, FWB, or future lover content. If you’ll find slimmer pickins’ at the work, the better for you.

Complement a Femme

: go out in which your pals work, if appropriate. Some one I’m sure simply satisfied a pretty thing to munch on in that way recently.


: If
your own work colleagues realize you are a homogay
, they will virtually seriously attempt to introduce you to or set you right up with regards to homosexual cousin/sister/bff/roommate/etc.

Concerts for Queer Musicians



I’ve met most my personal queer pals at
. Gay women are relatively intent on encouraging their own local homosexual musicians, and get see a couple of shows. In the event the area provides an all-female musical organization next which is an effective place to begin, their own shows is going to be filled up with potential queer pals. I usually think it is easiest which will make buddies utilizing the musicians themselves as you have reasons to hit right up a discussion with these people: to inform them that you loved their particular tv series. Inquire further once they’re playing after that, and visit that certain also. Only hold appearing.

Join any Club/Team That’ll

Perhaps you have as a Member

Intern Hot Laura


Have you got a

bike co-op

in your city? We bet you will do, and I gamble you can find a bunch of pretty women caught with bicycle fat on the noses. Even though you never meet anybody, you can learn how to build a bicycle and is kind of like holding around a lighter in the event a cute lady asks for a light only better as you get to appear their own their unique rescue and fix their particular broken tire.


: Join a

guide club


creating team


Do-it-yourself photography workshop

– in reality, DIY something would work.


Go to the

roller derby

All the queer ladies are at the roller derby. Them all. Roller derby is wall-to-wall lesbians and I’ve witnessed many ladies strike right up brand new friendships while watching a game title. It really is quite easy to-do because if there is one thing that roller derby fans like, it’s discussing their own understanding of the video game with newcomers. Anytime there’s a group in your area, go see them play. Saddle upwards beside several sexy girls in the committing suicide chairs (in which every really serious fans stay) and ask these to give an explanation for policies for your requirements. In my opinion you’ll earn some new friends very quickly.

On the net

We now have mentioned the world wide web multiple times given that easiest way to meet various other gays. Obviously here is the internet, so we’re biased, but we’ve found almost all of the buddies right here, or via Riese’s past blog sites (this is where the vast majority of team comes from — audience of the woman weblog while the pals she found through men and women, etc).
We notice OKCupid is actually anything
, also.

Intern Emily


Get a hold of some body on autostraddle exactly who life towards you. Let them have the email. Choose a walk. Walks tend to be no-cost.


: it can be different now, but back when I became an infant (23) I taken care of immediately an advertisement on craigslist w4w by a girl exactly who stated she ended up being bi, visited Columbia, played soccer, liked ‘420′ and was looking for additional bi women to visit out with and stay friends and brave the terrifying queer world with each other. The 1st time we came across it absolutely was absurdly embarrassing but it got increasingly much better the whole way to “more comfy than Im with anyone, truly.” We have been through a ton with each other — a lot of existence levels! — so we’re nonetheless pals now, and it is through the woman intrepid internet based friend-gathering that I met Lainy, just who found my personal
now-best-friend Haviland
on friendster immediately after which invited the lady to a thing that I found myself also at, which can be how I met Haviland. So! The purpose of this is exactly:
craigslist maybe a thing
? The answer to it becoming non-intimidating had been we both earnestly wanted brand-new friends, yannow?


: Get a hold of a queer girl just who produces a web log with a lot of feelings and deliver her e-mails concerning your emotions. Browse books. Whenever the queer woman with a blog starts an online mag, assist this lady. Accost men and women on gchat. Once the queer girl with a blog features functions and presents one to the woman friends, end up being very nice for them and state circumstances together with your mouth area and sight. If an individual of them is especially neat, compose all of them an email and stay their particular friend. End up being really sincere and take some anti-anxiety medicine. Aren’t getting an alternate lifestyle haircut if you do not actually want to. Get at least one v-neck. Smile.

Intern Emily

Begin a blog
. Write-in it for just two years. Take a 3-day hiatus and ask for folks in your urban area to email you.


Begin a blog
immediately after which
create web site
after which employ men and women to end up being your pals free-of-charge.


Put “queer-friendly” or “LGBT friendly” within craigslist blog post together with ladies will come a-runnin’, with many gay friends of their own in pull. You eliminate like 40 wild birds with one material and can pay attention to Tegan & Sara



In A Ladies’ Studies/Gender Studies Course

You can examine out this directory site of
LGBT/Queer Studies programs
at universities all around the country! Also you should be involved in class. The girls exactly who participate would be the hottest.



Women’s scientific studies classes are a good place to fulfill females: every person’s practically a feminist already so you’re able to have brainsexy conversations, which have been just the thing for continuing in taverns after course. View yourself with those hot profs, however.

At the LGBT Campus cluster in university or twelfth grade

This is certainly Taylor’s NYU LGBT Group


: In school, before I became really away or firmly determined, we began nervously going to various occasions presented by our very own college’s LGBT workplace. Fast onward per year and I was actually working on-campus queer courses every week, and I’d scored a massive posse of passionate forward-thinking activist gays, just like that! Before we worked for the LGBT workplace we thought very shy at queer activities, so if your college has actually an active LGBT business, thinking about joining or applying and diving inside. The LGBT workplace turned into the next home, that has been ideal for between-class naps and conference hotties, naturally.

Intern Emily

: Go to your college’s queer nightclub. It’ll be shameful. You may embark on a lunch big date with a lovely woman just who brings the woman sweetheart. You might earn some buddies though.

Gay Bars and Gay Events!

Demonstrably this might be a daunting scenario, but lots of getting-to-know-other-girls at these pubs wont occur with one preliminary embarrassing check out. You must get back. And return. And return. And in the end you’ll have no choice but to feel comfy indeed there, because it’s a spot you decide to go a large amount. After that maybe you will communicate with strangers or get 25 individuals hug you to suit your 25th birthday celebration. Its a thing, you can preserve rating on your own arm with a pen. If you’re in new york,
GO mag has got the the majority of extensive, current bar/event listings

Intern Emily

: head to a homosexual bar. Get truly inebriated and communicate with every person.


When you’re at gay bar or lesbian evening, you certainly will consider feelings like ‘nobody here desires to consult with myself’ or ‘everyone right here features a sweetheart’ or ‘why tend to be lesbians therefore daunting’ and also you need to reduce all those thoughts and protect them with an innovative new feeling and this brand new feeling is actually ‘whatis the worst thing that take place, I’ll get refused?’ and I also UNDERSTAND I KNOW I UNDERSTAND that looks petrifying, as though getting denied will be the worst thing might ever before occur as a person being. But it is in fact maybe not — your own self-confidence is sexier than the outfit is ever going to be, and girls are incredibly weird while having plenty issues/reasons to potentially deny you which you cannot take anybody rejection actually. Merely create eye contact. Say hi. It does not have to be sexual. Envision your self within her shoes and contemplate the manner in which you’d want the girl to approach you.


: you shouldn’t be a scaredy-cat! visit a bar/club/show by yourself. In fact, this is why I found my wife 5.68 years ago.

View site

Some General Recommendations


Sarah Croce

: I used to be timid. My solution? Develop some. Figure out what rocks ! about yourself and with confidence hit up conversations with arbitrary people. They don’t need to be gay. Often you will discover the majority of girls are bi, or interested, or have actually gay friends. Straight everyone loves to share with you obtained homosexual pals plus they constantly believe you need to hook up with them like there is some kind of homosexual drought and also in purchase to thrive and save the lesbian competition all of us need to mate feverishly. It really is like they do not know we can’t procreate. And constantly ask just how lesbians have intercourse.


Begin Small, Develop a Lesbian Posse:

Jess R

: make your very own Lesbian Posse. You merely require a few various other gay buddies to start – let them know to invite various other queers they know (without having any homosexual pals – they are doing!) and prepare small activities for yourselves like dinner at an apartment, movie evening, bowling night, ski/hiking excursion, etc. ensure it is a weekly thing so you always have something to look ahead to so that as the weeks pass the lesbian telephone tree increases longer and longer and after a couple of months you will have your personal Lesbian Posse.


Be Brave:

Intern Emily

: regrettably, satisfying new-people implies you have to be courageous and approach them and talk to all of them in order to find items to speak about and fork out a lot period obsessing by what to put on, etc. It really is countless social anxiety and also you might choose to take some tablets for this, but in addition, you think excellent after.


End up being Conventional and Project Outside of Your Comfort Zone:


: Get beyond your comfort zone. We notice countless women moaning about how precisely it is yet folks, similar ladies, wah-wah-wah. Drive to a nearby town, simply take that train underwater, motorcycle it, bus it, but don’t expect to fulfill brand new, interesting women by-doing alike shit withn’t struggled to obtain to date.

Also, end up being old-fashioned. Pretend there’s no internet and remember just what it’s want to be polite and gracious and authentic IRL, and expand actual invitations and develop real lasting friendships. It isn’t difficult for points to drop through the fractures with internet-based contacts; they should be nurtured for reals. Being traditional reminds people a small amount of what must be done to keep up the sorts of interactions we desire!


Gays are Everywhere:


: Remember in

The Wizard of Oz

in which Dorothy knows that just what she wanted was in her backyard/home/heart the entire time? You will be a gay individual, while will carry out things/go locations. It’s likely that some other gay people in addition enjoy these things/places and generally are most likely currently here! Look around your job/library/capoeira class/favorite coffeeshop/yarn store/whatever and most likely there are queer men and women truth be told there. Like really, if there are many than 10 folks in the building it really is statistically more than likely that might be some other person there who’s also an enormous gaymo. You just need to end up being fearless and communicate with folks and not be shy about being gay your self; might likely be extremely relieved and reply in sort.


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